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This guy had already managed to hurt me, in the space of just two weeks. We spoke for hours about everything, from our damaged childhoods to jobs to exes to first kisses.
I called my mobile carrier’s fraud department and reported what happened.When we were done, and I was thinking “Gee, that was fun,” and “I’m glad I did that,” and “Bummer, he’s moving,” and “I could really go for some Ginger Ale,” I was also thinking something a little more insidious. If none of those boxes are checked, and you’ve been lucky enough to find a lot of people who wanted to have sex with you as much as you wanted to have sex with them, well, all I can say is bravo! I set that standard for my partners because that’s the standard by which I would like to be judged.I was thinking that I had “wasted” a number on this guy, that the uptick in my partner count was maybe not worth this experience. Why does my post-coital brain gravitate toward the mental acknowledgment that there’s been a change to my “number”? I don’t subscribe to slut-shaming, I don’t tolerate sexual double standards, and I certainly don’t believe in imposing someone else’s puritanical, prudish, or simply different theories on my own sexual agency. Did you just “go with the flow” because it was easier, when you really didn’t want to have sex? Do you always have sex drunk or because you’re searching for a compliment? I have made youthful mistakes, like most people, and there are a few things I would do over or do differently if pressed.The mere sound of Jamie's voice made my heart thump wildly. He said he'd like nothing more than to meet me but admitted he still felt scared. "You might not be attracted to me."In hindsight, I should have cut and run right then.