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02-Aug-2017 18:57

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From far too young, I longed for the affection, safety, and intimacy I anticipated with a wife. I experimented too much with our hearts and allowed things to go too far. And now my singleness is a regular reminder that I messed up, missed opportunities, or did it wrong. Maybe all the suggestions and advice you’ve collected has become a confusing mess of good-intentioned contradictions and ambiguity.

Sadly, my immature and unhealthy desires predictably did much more harm than good. Maybe dating has been hard for you, too, for these reasons or others. It’s enough to leave you like an 8-year-old, asking, “Mom, where do weddings come from?

Most people want to find a friend or a life partner, and to meet the dates who may fulfill this desire, many 50-somethings, about 80 percent in fact, do it the old-fashioned way — through friends or family. Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. Baggage bonding is when an early date shifts into deep conversation about some baggage you have in common. You start comparing your horrific ex-spouses or your crazy awful dates. Men know who and what they want, often better than we do. The last thing you want at 55 is to wake up in the morning with flashbacks to your days as a 20-something, right? His manners, his shirt, his smile, the way he talks about his kids. If he walks away from the date having shared too much or hasn’t learned about you, then there won't be a second date.

More than 40 percent said they were considering it, but not actually doing it.

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